Katie

 [IMG]http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff111/onceuponadream915/my%20own%20icons/gummyfrogscopy.jpg[/IMG]

It's been a very long time. 

And I feel that I've been fairly depressed over the last year since I've updated. Mostly because of emotional burdens that I feel I've needed help carry and haven't found anyone to help me...which is silly really. I know that there are people who I can talk to...I don't know why I felt like I couldn't then. 

This morning I was reading my LJ from the before and I only made it to the second to last post I have in here from June 12th, I believe, 2007. It was what life was supposed to be about and it just reminded me of everything that I had forgotten over the last year. I don't know why I had forgotten it...but...it all seemed to make since to me. Life is an experience...and it's too full of adventure and too short for anyone to lie around moaning and pissing in self pity. So I need to stop that. :) 

And I think I'm a little bit better now. I had been thinking lately that I can't rely on anyone but myself. My problems are my problems and no one is going to help me carry them, even those who claim they want to...and today, reading that LJ entry...well I helped myself. It's a little better now. 


I'm better.

I had a long interesting weeked. 

Friday - My mom called me at about 8:30 from upstairs and guilted me into getting up and going to Greenfield Village with her. Which was all good because I wore my new plaid shorts and a tank top. Haha. It was nice out and I took some super sweet pics of chickens. Lol. So around 11:20 we decided to head home, Mom had taken all the pictures she needed and I was hungry. So we're on our way back via I-94 and just as we pass the Michigan Ave exit we hear on the radio that there was a two semi accident at West Grand River Ave on 94 and traffic was backed all the way up to Michigan Ave. Just our luck right...so they were forcing traffic off at Warren Ave. My Mom just wanted to get off the highway and out of the bumper to bumper traffic, and wouldn't you know that there are like NO exit ramps on 94, only on ramps. The next off ramp that we hit was...Warren Ave. We were stuck in the traffic for about an hour. We got off at Warren and got back on 94 in the other direction to get off at Ford and take Ford to Southfield. We got lost in Detriot where we saw a drug bust next to an elementary school that happened to have signs by the road that said "Drug Free Zone". Anyways...once we found the Southfieldd Freeway...wouldn't you know it was down to one lane because of construction. So we got stuck in more traffic. It took us a grand total of 2 1/2 hours to get home (give or take fifteen minutes). My Mom said that she was so frustrated she was about to cry over it...I found the whole situations quite funny. Once we got back to the Troy area we went to the theatre and got tickets to see Pirates and then went to Taco Bell...then home. Where we ate and then slept. I woke up at about 3 and we left to pick up Mickey from school and went straight to the movie. The movie was pretty good...kind of a hate love relationship. Lol. Then I went home and went to bed. Lol. 

Saturday-I can't remember anything I did during the day. We went out to eat though for dinner and then we rented movies. My parents and I watched Night At The Museum (not a very good movie), and Casino Royal (which was fucking awesome). Then I went to bed. 

Sunday- I worked 10-7. Then I came home and watched Flushed Away with Mickey and my Dad (that was a super cute movie) and then Music and Lyrics with my parents. And I ate cookies. They were tasty. 

Monday- I got up and went to work 11:30-3:30. Then I drove to Chris's house and we hung out. I met his Grandpa who rides a motorcycle. Haha. And we watched part of the Bourne Supermacy. We both feel asleep though, and then we went shopping at Target and then I came home. I went over to Steph's just as everyone was leaving to go to Luke's. So I went to Luke's and hung out there for awhile. Then came home and watched Robin Hood (which was a very good movie). Then I tried to go to sleep but I kept seeing things so I turned on my computer and wrote until about four in the morning. Then I went to bed.

Dear Katie, 

I hope you find great peace with yourself and happiness now that the semester is over, winterguard season is done with, and you're doing absolutely nothing with your time. To stay positive for both of our sakes, I will recognize everything that you are doing the next coming months to prevent yourself from continuing this pattern of doing absolutely nothing. You're planning on helping with the marching band, which you found out about tomorrow. You're working more at Toys R Us, which is awesome, and even possibly looking for a second job (third if you get the job with the band). I also think its good that you're looking to take a dance class at OCC this summer. It is in the depths of myself that I wish you would take a dance class. We truly do miss it. And imagine how your skills will improve and what Colleen will think when you go back to Ferndale? Not to mention that you'll stay fit...and I'd like to stay healthy so you don't have a heart attack when you're 30. Now I would also like to quickly mention your boy before I sign this and leave you be. Don't listen to the brain Katie, everything she is saying about Chris, even if it is true does not matter. You love him. I would know best I would think being your heart. Trust me, you love him. He loves you. Its worth it. 

Love always 

Heart. 





Dear Heart,

Thanks. And I know. 

Love

Katie.

These are things that 
MAKE us. 
That pain, those hardships
they hurt. They fucking hurt. 
But it will all be okay.
Everyone dies,
Everyone dies at some point in their life
Yes, you will miss them.
You will miss them every single day of your life.
The little things will remind you of them. 
You remember the smell of the flowers, the way the sky looked,
the way it rained...you remember everything about that day.
But most of all you remember the pain.
Yes, it hurts.
Yes, it really fucking hurts. 
But life goes on. 
You morn. 
You cry.
You move on. 
Yes, death is a hardship,
but there are other ones, worst ones.
No money.
No home.
No fucking family.
No friends.
No one that loves you for who you are. 
There are worst things.

There are worst things. Trust me. 


Everything that goes on in our lives 
CHANGES US
MAKES US
BREAKS US
and 
REMAKES US. 
Everything that goes on in our lives
MAKES us who we ARE
and who we want to BE. 

Everything you do,
every mistake you make,
every promise you break.
Everything you want 
and do in your life
will change you forever
and will change how you see the others around you.

Don't hold back.

Don't judge others.

Don't hold on to the past.

All right, I'm going to kind of work backwards. Humor me. *snaps fingers* 


Today: Sunday: 

"I knew I loved you before I met you" is really creepy and stalkerish. I'm listening to the song right now...so I just thought I would point that out. Right...Today I worked. I slept through church, which I felt very guilty about because I had every intention of getting up and going to church. But I forgot to turn on my alarm last night. The stupidest part about all of that is that I remembered to change the set the alarm to go off at 7:05 so I would get up...I just forgot to turn it on. But anyways...I went to work. It was slow. They sent me home early. And I won a Lottery Ticket b/c I sold 5 battery packs. Oh yea...Then I came home and I ate meat. Lol. I gave up meat for Lent, but apparently (as my Mother told me today) Sundays don't count as a part of Lent. When you count the 40 days of Lent it doesn't include Sundays because its a Holy Day. So I'm starting to wondering...does that mean Jesus wasn't in the desert on the Sundays during the time span he was in the desert being tempted by the Devil? I don't know...

Yesterday: Saturday: 

Woke up late. (Surprise surprise). Which is funny because it was actually early. Lol. I had practice at 8:30 in the morning. Got to Kennedy and sat in the parking lot in my car until 9 because we were locked out of the building. Had a long, slow moving practice that was not very motivating, then took a bus to FHS to perform in prelims for WGI regional. Had an insanely rushed warm up because I had to be in 3 places at once (first yellow flags, purple sky flags, and rifle) Its a bitch. Lol. So, I didn't get to warm up on rifle at all. I threw a few last second tosses at the end of warm up as we were leaving...and out of my speed and slight frustration threw two fours. Didn't have time to throw my 3...that I'm suppose to throw in the show. Lol. Performed. We had a bad show. *sticks out tongue* It was one of those performances where you go in feeling shitty about it, and you come out of it think fuck. Lol. We had a few drops and a mis-set yellow flag. One of our girls ran from the left side to the floor to the right, grabbed a flag and ran back, falling into the work after missing 16 counts. *sigh* it ruined the last flag piece when we're all on flag. So, after we performed I honestly didn't think we were going to place well. Lol. But as it turned out we placed 2nd scoring a 81.2. Which was pretty good because it was about a 2 point improvement from our show a week before at South Lyon. 1st place at prelims was Westerville with an 82.3...and they're the national champs. hehe. 3rd place was Interplay A with an 80.6. So we were all pretty tight. Ancora A made it to finals too with a 71.4. After prelims were over we took the bus back to Kennedy for more practice. While we were riding back Jason gave us a motivational speech about how most of our problems are individual performances. We have strong GE and strong Ensamble scores. So we practiced at Kennedy again for awhile.  We had a really good, encouraging practice that was fun. We wanted to kick some ass at finals, and not be beaten by Interplay. So...we practice and then headed back to FHS to stretch and get dress in our home room then head off to warm up. While we were stretching I got 2 charlie horses in my left foot. I asked Jim (whom I love so much) to get me a banana, hoping it would help a little with the cramps in my legs, and he brought me 3. Lol. As we moved from our home room to the warm up area my cramps in my left leg grew worse, to the point where I was limping. Colleen noticed and was aware of the fact that I could barely walk. But I performed. My mom said afterwards that she could tell something was wrong when I walked into the gym to perform. Jim told me no one could tell but her that I had a charlie horse the whole fucking show. Lol. I was crying by the end of the first song, and I forced myself to stop so I could be happy in the second song. Hillary knew something was wrong when we went to hug on the bench at the end because I thought thank God it's the end I can cry now. And I did and when she asked me what was wrong all I could say is "I can't feel my leg"...the way Hillary acted someone would have thought I had a broken leg.  Lol. They got a medic and he massaged the cramps out of my leg and gave me some medicine. The pain in my leg would not go away though. My shin and knee were throbbing for the rest of the night. It was the weirdest thing, especially because it happened so suddenly. We did much better at our finals performance though. We could hear our instructors screaming for us when we got everything we had worked on so hard to fix at Kennedy right. It was awesome. In the end, we scored 2nd with an 83! Which was awesome!! Interplay had an 81.something...so yea. We were very very proud of ourselves. It was a wonderful experience. I really wish we were going to Dayton. 



And that's all I feel like updating about. I feel like I'm forgetting something though...

So it seems, that even when life has reached it's high point for me it is hitting a low point for others, for those that are close to me and whom I love. I don't like that and it somewhat takes away from my high point because I don't like it when the people I care about aren't happy. I just want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to live. And I want everyone in the whole wide world to be thankful for soap. But we don't always get what we want...

Just remember I love you. <3

Yesterday: 

I had practice from 10-4 for Ferndale. Practice went well. Jason explained scoring stuff to us and we talked about next weekend (WGI) eee I'm so nervous. We focused on GE a lot. And made a goal to get an 80, an improvement of about 5 points from our last show. 

Steph and Dj picked me up to drive me to South Lyon for the show so I could be there with AKA. Jason let me skip the bus ride so I could get there before Ferndale. We didn't have directions to South Lyon HS. I knew that it was at 11mile and Lafayette, so we took 10 mile over. The map said it went all the way to Lafayette, but really it ends at Farmington. So we got a little turned around, but got to South Lyon by 5. Ferndale actually beat us there. 

AKA looked awesome and so cute in their uniforms, make up and hair.  They had a little hiccup in their show, which almost made me cry, but it was okay. Shit happens. We all have these performances. They did improve their score by 2 points. Which is good. I'll have to listen to the tapes, but I know already what we have to work on. Lol. 

I was so flipping nervous about my performance that night. Our time was pushed back from 8:29 to 8:43. Which kind of sucked, but at the same time I liked being able to relax a little between AKA and having to be ready for Ferndale. I got to talk to Phil and Jen (omg I miss her so much) before my warm up! I miss both of them a lot. It was funny because Kelly saw me hug and talking to both of them and she had the nastiest look on her face. It makes me laugh everytime. Lol. But anyways...all through our personal hallway warm up I was feeling really sick and in pain (my legs were bad yesterday). When we went to our actual warm up I was about to cry because I was not feeling well at all. I had an alright warm up and I told Karen that I felt gross. So we performed...and I don't remember much, except that I was really going to cry, and I told myself not to in the first song because I wouldn't be able to see my equipment. I actually started to cry at the end of the first song, but I told myself to stop because the next song is a happy song and I have to be happy for it. So we performed. I got my triple right, which is awesome. But we did have some drops. And I think someone dropped for the "throw things" rifle exchange, but it's all good. Jason said individually some of us did not have a good show...but over all it was fucking awesome. Well he didn't say fucking...but you get the point. We scored a 79.1, so close to an 80! And everyone was so excited because it was so close to our goal for last night, and last season Ferndale didn't score an 80 until States! So we're really excited. Interplay A scored a 76.1, so they aren't far behind us. They're catching up. Last weekend it was a 5 point gap, now its only 3. Jason stressed that our goal shouldn't be to beat them, and win win win win (even though its nice), and our goal isn't that. Which is great! That's what I love. Yea, I want to win, but its not the end of the world I don't. So our goal for next Saturday is two perform twice! (That means make it to finals). And I'm pretty confident we can do that...assuming that the kids who are going to Florida today practice a little while they're gone. 

So yea. That was my Saturday. And now I'm off to work. Bye Bye everyone. 


Oh yea, did I ever thank you for coming yesterday you two? Well I'm thankful. It means a lot to me. <3

oh yea i have an lj.

testing...one two three...testing...

i got a car.

i'm a fucking bitch. deal with it.

well this is it. these are the last days of summer. i'm going to miss it. this has been a kick ass summer! but at the same time a sad one. i'll miss everyone who is leaving. i will.

lisa, my sister has your inhaler.

well, i'm going out of town on thursday, at 5 in the morning. so this is my last night online for awhile. i'm excited though, i mean i'm going to the sue locks and then to my aunt's cottage on a lake. the sue locks isn't all that exciting, but my aunt's cottage is. b/c my mum's whole family is going to be up there! there is a total of 32 of us, for a whole week!!!! i'm sooooo excited. it's great, i love my mum's family, mostly b/c i'm the oldest cousin and i get to hang out with my 3 2nd cousins who are in their late 20's...i love them.
ok, enough ranting and everything.
i'm outie, for awhile.
~kt~

what's your inner flower?

[c] sugardew

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	mysterious
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	amazing
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	eternal
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

so i have my computer back. its stupid though. i don't like computers.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!!!SWEET 16!!!
i had a good time tonight.